Catching Big Bad

***For anyone who listened to the podcast on ‘Constructing the Novel” this was actually one of the homework assignments from when I took that class. A fun new take on catching the big bad wolf. Enjoy!***

Big Bad pulled up in front of Grandma’s red brick house and cut the engine to the mini-van. He longed to put the top down on his ’69 Mustang and feel the wind in his fur, but no self-respecting Bible salesman drove a convertible anything. He lifted the horn-rimmed glasses to his face, settling them on his long wolfy snout, then straightened his yellow-striped tie.

This disguise ought to get me in the front door. A damn sight easier than standing out here shouting, “Little pig, little pig, let me in!”

He chuckled at his own foolishness. Of course, he’d been a young wolf back then, and full of himself. He’d been so sure he could bully his way into the house by huffing and puffing. What a fiasco that had been! He was much slicker now. It didn’t hurt that Grandma had done him the favor of buying the house either. Everyone knew those pigs were, well, pigheaded.

Reaching over, he scooped the Bible up off the tattered seat.

Don’t wanna forget that, old boy!

He forced himself to walk with dignity befitting a Bible salesman up the neat sidewalk, past the manicured flower beds to the front door. Tucking the Good Book against his chest with one hand, he pressed the doorbell with the other then stepped back a respectable step and waited. His heart beat a giddy tattoo, thumping so loud he was sure the neighbors must hear.

“Just a minute,” came a sweet frail voice from inside.

Big Bad licked his wolfy lips. Victory was near.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Red peeked through the peephole and rolled her eyes.

Does he really think he’s fooling anyone with that dumb disguise?

The cops had been after him for a while now, ever since he’d got caught terrorizing the three little pigs years ago. Well, she’d had enough. She and her Grandma both. Time to take matters in their own hands.

Tip-toeing back to the closet, she opened the door a crack. “You doing okay, Nan?” Little Red whispered.

“Fine, Dear,” Grandma whispered back. She handed Red a roll of duct tape with a cheeky grin. “All set?”

“I am now.” Little Red grinned at her beloved Nan. She’d brought her favorite chair to the walk-in closet and fixed her a cup of tea. “You stay put, it’ll be over soon.”

“Okay, Dear, you be careful.” Grandma sipped her tea. “When we’re finished, I’ll make those gingersnaps you like.”

Little Red nodded and shut the closet door just as the doorbell rang again.

All right Big Bad, let’s dance.

She crept to the entryway, set her roll of tape on the side table and positioned herself behind the door. Her pulse raced, and blood sang through her veins. She pulled her mace out then put her hand on the knob and turned. The door swung open. She took a small step back and waited, just like her self-defense instructor had shown her.

“Come in,” she said, her voice soft, like her Nan’s.

She saw his foot first, then a wolfy paw curled around the edge of the door and pushed it open further.

“Hello?”

Now!

Little Red sprang out from her hiding spot and jumped on his foot with all her weight. At his surprised yelp, she grabbed his arm and twisted, squeezing the pressure point between his thumb and forefinger.

Big Bad went crashing to the floor, his fake glasses falling off.

Little Red kicked the plastic horn-rims out of the way and aimed her can of mace right at his eyes. “Don’t move.”

“Hey, I’m just a Bible sales—”

“Save it wolfie, I know who you are.”

A hideous toothy sneer spread across Big Bad’s face. “Oh, do you?”

Little Red sprayed her mace.

Big Bad screamed like a little girl.

Grandma poked her head out of the closet and waved her cell phone. “Now, Red?”

“Now, Nan,” Little Red said, scrambling for the roll of duct tape on the entry table.

Grandma put her cell phone on speaker while Little Red secured the wolf.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“We’ve caught Big Bad!”